So maybe I will.
I'm at my wits end.
And that's the end of the story.
Good bye.
I'm at my wits end.
And that's the end of the story.
Good bye.
So maybe I will.
I'm at my wits end. And that's the end of the story. Good bye.
0 Comments
It's weird how relationships change daily. How one day you can be all lovey-dovey and the next day just... not get along for whatever reason. Or one day being super happy with each other, and the next, breaking up over what show to watch...
Just to make clear... (fuck, more tears...) ANYWAY, just to make sure we're all good here, everyone knows I complain a lot... Although I thought, at least on the surface, I've been geting better at that. But I'm giving Chris a hard time, because there are things one should just DO. And I want him to know, even if we don't make it, it will always be that way. Women will make demands on him, that he might not like. If I'm not the one... If he finds someone so much more amazing than I, someone he feels he cannot live without, but she makes some demands, like I do... He's going to have to learn how to deal with it, and just give in every now and then, or... proceed to not succeed in relationships. I love him so much. I do. I hope we stay together for so much longer, if he can deal with me. And vice versa. He's a good boy, there are just relationship things he doesn't get sometimes. He doesn't get why one has to do such things. But they are just... kind of expected and appreciated in any relationship. You have to understand, we're friends, but we aren't just good friends who have sex. That's called friends with benefits, and I did not sign up for that. I signed up for a partner in emotional and physiological things as well as being good friend, and the sex. So I do expect some things from him, it's only natural. He expects of me too, even though he doesn't think he does. He expects me to know what he's thinking, and to know that if he tells me something once, I won't do it again. I'm a creature of habit, they are hard to break. He gets mad when I don't do what he think is expected. Our views on that subject are definitely different, but still the same. This is not an apology. Just an I love him, and hope he sincerely understands that, no matter what, post. Even if I'm scorching mad at him. Even if he's so mad at me. Even if I refuse to apologize. I still love him. And always, always will. Forever... I can never say anything because I'm always wrong. Always. Chris is ALWAYS right.
Fuck I can't even write what I wanted to because I'm crying so hard. I'm so upset. All I wanted was an apology. Chris has never once apologized to me for anything. So since he was definitely in the wrong this time, I thought I could get one. But no. He still thinks he was in the right. HE WAS NOT. Regardless, for any reason, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO CALL ME STUPID, IDIOT, RETARDED, MORON, OR DUMB WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. OR UNLESS YOU'RE ME. WHICH I'M THE ONLY AMANDA JANE BARROIS, 5"2', FEMALE, STUDENT AT UNO, THAT I FUCKING KNOW. And now my face feels like it's cracking because of all the tear marks, and my eyes will be sore and hurt tomorrow. And red and puffy. Because once I'm this upset that doesn't just go away. I'm hurt. Chris has hurt me. So much so that I don't even want to talk to him. I won't apologize for anything this time. Will this be the end? I hope not, but I am not taking responsibility for repairing this, this time.I always go and clear things up and am good and I apologize because I love him so. And just because we've gotten into this fight, it doesn't mean I don't still love him dearly. But sometimes he really can make me SO FUCKING MAD. And I just let it go. Well, not this time, because him calling me an idiot, FOR ANY REASON, was uncalled for, and is just out of the question. I don't care who you fucking are, only I am allowed to call myself any of those aforementioned things. For any reason. I just couldn't handle him, or the text-yelling, so I turned off my phone. I got off of Facebook. I'm going to get off of twitter soon after this is published. Skype is off. Unless you comment on this, there will be no way to get in touch with me... But I've never gotten a comment here before... Also, because I have alarms on my phone that I need to wake up to in the morning, I'll have to turn it on later... WAY later tonight. I don't know when... I've only ever done this once, and it was the day Easton broke up with me. I never turn off my phone for long. Because when I do, bad things seem to happen, like my boyfriend changes his relationship status to "single"... But so help me any deity out there, I will stick to this. I'm so upset... I wish you see my face and hear how I sound to understand, but you can't, and I'm sure as hell not making a video of me crying while creating this. All I can do now is hope Chris sees the error of his ways and does something about it. And watch/read Card Captor Sakura. And cry and get it out of my system. Guys, I'm not ok. Someone help me, please... |