I always fall into this role. The over-caring, super loving, very clingy role. And that's not bad, when it's wanted. But it's not. I always fall into this role at the wrong time. It's my fault this time. And I'm just getting hurt more and more. And it's hard. It's just so extremely hard. I just... I don't know what I'm trying to do. I just wanted to be with Fernando. In my heart of hearts, that's what I want. But now he doesn't want me. I don't know how to act. I either be me, or back completely away because I don't know if I have an in between that I can call upon. I wish it were so easy to just be there for company and not look lovingly at him. And NOT keep trying to kiss him, or help the feelings from seeping out of my heart and into the atmosphere. It's not easy. I do so much for him. I buy him snacks, I take him to buy his weed, I sit with him while he smokes, I give him back rubs/massages, and head scratches... But he won't give me anything in return. I'm just trying to prove how much I love him, TO him. He told me to prove that I loved him and wanted to be with him, so I'm trying... I don't know what else to do, everything I do for him is so full of love... I wish love weren't so complicated and hard... But anything that's easy isn't really worth doing, is it... I'm so sad right now.